I would be lying to say that the past couple weeks were not a washing machine of “didn’t I already pass this test?!” and “are you f&^%$ kidding me, universe?!” moments.
And yet, I prayed--through the shadows cast continuously by this series of personal retrogrades--that there was indeed a reason for all of it. Strangely, situations that were familiar and disturbing at the outset saw unfamiliar resolutions based on a new level of clarity. Something I played a lot of life, hard, to win. And as the days have passed since a lot of the storm settled, I am starting to get it. There's always a delay--always!
In plain English: I went through a bunch of shit that I had been through a long time ago, in very abbreviated ways, so that I could ensure that the situations ended totally differently based on the level of maturity I have attained.
Like most westerners I know, I need some kind of definition or reason--as dumb as that sounds considering my size and life's importance in the grand scheme of things--and so if I must have this I would preliminarily say that all this bullshit lately is to show me that indeed I have grown up.
I mean “the proof,” the universe seems to say, verbatim, “is in the fact that you are going through the same scenarios but the endings are better: more about a long-term solution and a win-win scenario.”
Me: Am I growing up? Am I? Have I changed? Why do you want me to go through these dumb things?
Universe: How the heck would you know without a repeat of stuff you went through 20 years ago, in extreme fast-forward motion, with a completely different resolution and very little reaction on your part while it all went down?!
Me: Ooooh ... yeah; I guess you're right. (laughing)